


Let me Love you

by Promsie



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Jealousy, Lena's p.o.v, Pining, Unrequited Love, pining!Lena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 00:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14557053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Promsie/pseuds/Promsie
Summary: “Before we started this, Alex was trying to figure out what was wrong with me.”At her words, all color drains from your face and you feel how your expression hardens, how your heart hardens.She went to the Agent before me, you think, and you can taste venom in your mouth, foul and nasty.orWhen Sam asks for Alex in 3x16, Lena gets jealous.





	Let me Love you

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone still freaking out over 3x16 (and for what's to come in 3x17 and 3x18?)  
> Certainly not me. Title taken from 'Let me Love you' by Fitz and the Tantrums.

* * *

 

You keep your eyes firmly fixed on the computer screen, where the volt display is escalating.

 

You cannot bear to look at the bed, at her body going rigid from the electricity, at her face contorting in pain. Her scream alone breaks your heart, makes you clench your jaw so tight your teeth hurt. The breath in your throat feels too big for your lungs, yet you swallow it along with the tears burning in your eyes.

 

Don’t cry, you chastise yourself, you are the only one who can help her.

 

Finally, silence settles over the lab again and finally you dare to look at her. Behind the blue barrier her beautiful, tanned skin looks sickly and pale, in the big bed she looks lost and small. You wrap your arms around yourself because you cannot wrap them around her and step closer towards the bed.

 

You have always had a soft spot for Samantha Arias in your heart. Right from the moment you saw her the first time all those years ago, the last person still working in the early hours of a Wednesday in April. Her face has been illuminated by the warm glow of a desk lamp, her bronze skin gleaming as if there was a light shining from within. You had been captivated and faltered in your step outside her tiny office. Over the years, Sam has become one of the very few people you consider a friend, a true friend. She has always stuck by your side, the two of you holding out against a world that constantly worked against you. The more you got to know about her and about Ruby, the more you became enamored with her. Her never ending strength fascinates you, her intelligence is compelling, and her stunning looks are only the cherry on top. She is the person you called after a bad break-up, when you were fuming because a business deal went bust or when your mother messed with your head and your heart. Even when everything in your life fell apart, Sam has always been a constant, someone you could rely on and trust unconditionally. The day you realized that your feelings were more than platonic, Sam introduced her boyfriend at the time to you. God, how you hated that man. It had always pleased you to know that you scared him. Although Sam used the word ‘intimidated’, you knew better. As either a blessing or a curse, you grew apart for a couple of years and your feelings for Sam slipped away slightly.

 

Then you came to National City to ring in a new era for Luthor Corp and met Kara Danvers. Beautiful, quirky, sweet Kara. Why do you always have such bad luck with women? It is ridiculous. Men are kissing the ground you walk on and you have all of them wrapped around your little finger. But the women? It was horrible. And still is. With Kara things have been different than with Sam. You knew you were in love with her on the day you met. She is sweet and kind and fiercely loyal. It was so easy to fall for her. With Sam falling had been soft and gradual, a kind of easing into it. Like the feelings crept up on you in secret until one day you realized they have taken you over. With Kara falling had been like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Immediately, intense and exciting. But although there have been plenty of situations you couldn’t find any heterosexual explanation for, Kara never made a move on you. As a Luthor you do not have the luxury of risking such a precious friendship on a hunch. And you’re all too familiar with pining. You thought you could handle it.

 

Maybe getting over Kara has influenced you more than you like to admit in your decision to name Sam as L-Corp’s new CFO. Maybe your chance would finally come, maybe the last couple of months before Ruby and Sam came to National City have been a build-up to your reunion. Having Sam back in your life has been so exciting and wonderful and all the positive adjectives that come to your mind right now. When you helped her settle in at her new house, you realized how much you really missed her, how big the hole is she left in your life. Your feelings for her returned the second she reentered your life, as if they had never been gone and just waited, lying in ambush ready to overcome you again. That is before a murder attempt has become a daily routine for you and Sam got sick.

 

Resurfacing from your musing you check her vital signs again, feeling uncomfortable that Sam is so calm. That there is no sign of Reign. As if on cue, Sam begins to thrash on the bed, whimpering and crying and your heart stops beating. As fast as you can, you lift the barrier and are at her side. You grab her shoulders to calm her down, noticing how she’s sweating from all the stress her body is under. “Sam, you must wake up. Come on, come back to me!” you shout at her.

 

Fear is curling in your stomach like a cold snake. And then suddenly like a drowning person resurfacing, Sam jerks upward, screaming: “No, no, no, no!” Helplessly, you hold onto her shaking shoulders, talking insistently to her. It’s the only thing you can think of.

 

“Sam, Sam, Sam... shhhh...it’s ok.” She has no idea how much it hurts you to see her like this, how it breaks your heart to put her through this pain. The worst thing, though, is that you feel her slipping away from you. Not only because of Reign but Sam herself. She’s slipping from your grip further and further and no matter how fast you run you cannot catch her. Before Sam accepted that she is Reign and said to you that of course a Luthor would tell her that she was a super-villain, you could have burst into tears right then and there. You expected from many people in your life to use your last name against you, to wield it as a weapon to pierce your fragile heart. But never Sam, she has never used this name against you. Sam always had a temper to her, could be irascible if she wanted to but since you work on her cure she has become hard. The tragedy is that you are unable to decide whether that is Reign’s fault or not.

 

“She said that she’s gonna kill Ruby,” Sam chokes, eyes wide and unblinking and unseeing.

 

“No, no she can’t. Ruby is safe,” you try to calm her down, doing your best to keep your voice from breaking at her fear and misery.

 

“Did you find the trigger?” she asks you, taking a deep breath, finally coming back to you.

 

“No,” you must admit guiltily. Guilty because you have to put her through the electro shocks again.

 

“Then Ruby is not safe!” Sam comes back at you and her tone is surprisingly harsh. There is this feeling again, this ugly, stinging feeling that you will lose her. That what you are doing here, that trying to save her life, will break your relationship. Suddenly, Sam shakes her head, there’s a tear sliding down her cheek. You see that she is at her limit and you don’t know if you have the strength to push her any further.

 

“We need to get some help,” Sam says, and you already fear what or rather who she might think about. You have enough faith in your intelligence and resources that you are sure about finding a cure. If only you had more time, if only she would give you more time.

 

“Before we started this, Alex was trying to figure out what was wrong with me.” At her words, all color drains from your face and you feel how your expression hardens, how your heart hardens. She went to the Agent before me, you think, and you can taste venom in your mouth, foul and nasty. Then it had been no coincidence that Alex was by Sam’s side, the day she told you and Kara about her black-outs. That day you noticed a change in their relationship, in the atmosphere around them. Something had fundamentally shifted between them. Naively you chose to ignore it. Now, the sudden burst of jealousy makes you sick.

 

“Or maybe Supergirl… you’re gonna call Supergirl...you can...you can find her, right?” Sam rambles on in her headless panic. You make her look into your eyes. Sam must understand how complicated and dangerous this situation is. You cannot simply call anyone. You tell yourself that your reluctance to call the redheaded Agent stems from a rational decision and not egoistical spite.

 

“Reign is the most wanted criminal in the world. If I go to Supergirl or the government before I can proof that I can turn her off, they will treat you like you are the same, they will lock you up, they will dissect you...” You know your words are hard, harder maybe than necessary and you can see how she begins to shake, feel how her whole body starts to tremble beneath your hold. Maybe your hands on her shoulders are the last remaining string holding her together.

 

“It wouldn’t be any worse than this, Lena”, Sam cries and it makes your heart crumble that she might actually believe that. You are trying to help her, to cure her, not to break her. Can’t she see that?

 

“We need to get help.” She’s shaking and crying, and you don’t know what else to do than to keep talking. Words, touch and knowledge are your only weapons in this nightmare and you get the feeling they all leave you hanging.

 

“I swear, I am the only one who knows how to do this. I promise you I will do it. I’m not gonna let her hurt Ruby. Ever. Ok?” Your voice is heavy, and you feel tears prickle in the corners of your eyes. That Sam asks for help, help besides you, feels awfully close to her not believing in you. Tears are spilling down her cheeks, her whole face is a sight of sorrow and she is pleading with you, begging you:

 

“Please, call Alex.”

 

Her words are like a punch in the gut, like a cold knife plunged into your chest.

 

Why do you want to see her so desperately when I am right here, you want to scream at her. Instead you swallow. “Sam, you know she is working for the government,” you try to reason with her. But suddenly she shakes your hands off, her voice too loud for the tiny distance between you:

 

“Promise me you call her, Lena!” Your face becomes hard, you’re slipping on a cold mask, not wanting her to see how hurt you are. You swallow again, your chest feeling tight. The green-eyed monster sits on your chest, suffocating you:

 

“Ok. Ok. I will call her.” Then Sam retreats into herself, pulls her knees to her chest and hides her tears from you. Without another word, you leave her side, activate the barrier and step outside of the lab. In a dimly lit corridor leading to the elevator, you dial Alex’ number.

 

While you wait for her to pick up, you wonder if you missed something between them. That you were too preoccupied with Morgan Edge to notice how Sam drifted away from you, drifted towards Alex. The grip on your phone tightens as you realize that they might even be dating, and you simply don’t know. Your stomach churns just from thinking about it. Then someone finally picks up:

 

“ _Lena? Is that you?_ ” Her voice sounds weary and tired. Like someone who recently has been hit by a terrible cold and still recovers from it.

 

“Hello, Alex. Are you busy right now?” Your tone is icy, and you remind yourself that how you feel is not the Agent’s fault.

 

“ _No...I... how can I help you_?” she asks confused. Because of Kara, you two recently began to spend more time with each other but it would still be a bit of a stretch to call you friends. This is probably the first time ever that you call her.

 

You clear your throat, attempting to sound a bit gentler: “I need to show you something.”

 

Twenty minutes later, you stay in front of L-Corp’s lobby, your arms crossed tightly in front of your chest. Alex just pulled her helmet off and shakes her auburn hair out. You stare intently at her, thinking that Sam couldn’t be blamed for falling for the Agent. Alex is a tough, headstrong woman that takes no shit from any one. She is intelligent and protective and from Kara you know that under her rough demeanor hides a sensitive core. And she is hot. That too. You feel how your nostrils flare because no; no one can blame Sam. You even entertained the thought of getting with the Agent yourself once or twice. All the FBI work must have given her the stamina of an Olympic athlete.

 

“Hey, here I am. What do you need to show me?” she suddenly ends your depressing train of thought.

 

“Follow me,” you say tight-lipped. In the elevator you qickly use the fingerprint scanner to take the two of you towards the lab deep, deep down in L-Corp’s intestines.

 

“Where are you taking me?” Alex wants to know. You feel how she is eyeing you suspiciously, but you stare straight ahead. It takes a lot of effort to keep this hostile demeanor up, but you will not break in front of her.

 

“The last couple of days I’ve been working on something concerning the Worldkillers.” Out of the corner of your eyes, you see how Alex’ left hand twitches. An angry, red scratch runs across the back of her hand. You wonder if it is a visible memory of the last incident with Purity, another scar being added to the Agent’s body.

 

How many scars will each of us carry when all of this is over, you think with a heavy heart.

 

“This way,” you say as you step out of the elevator and into the dim corridor.

 

“Lena, what are you talking about? Why didn’t you tell me? Or Supergirl?” Alex asks exasperated.

 

Because you will destroy her very soul, you think bitterly. She will be way more upset once she knows what or rather who you have been working on. When you open the door to the secret lab, you say:

 

“I know who Reign is.”

 

All color drains from the Agent’s face and she numbly follows you further into the room. When Sam spots her, she removes the electrodes from her temples and stands up. Takes tentative steps towards the both of you, looking torn between shame and sorrow and hope. Alex on the other hand comes to an abrupt halt several feet away from the barrier. She becomes as stiff as a board and her gaze hard as steel.

 

“Alex?” Sam asks, her voice small. She doesn’t sound at all like she did while talking to you the last couple of days. All her frustration and fear and anger are gone in this moment. As if she took them off, one by one, like a piece of clothing the moment she saw Alex.

 

“What is she doing in there?” Alex mumbles, her stare unblinking, focused completely on Sam. Her voice is not giving anything away, neither does her expression. You cannot gauge whether she will try to shoot Sam or start sobbing once you answered her. You avert your gaze, you don’t want to see her reaction:

 

“Sam is Reign.”

 

You hear a loud thud when Alex’ helmet lands on the floor. “Lift the barrier,” the Agent says in a monotonous voice. You fidget. Curling your hands around the tablet because it is at least something to hold onto.

 

“I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”

 

But Alex insists, her voice is rigid, hard. It’s a growl: “Lift. The. Barrier.”

 

You hate to be told what to do and for a second you think about starting a fight with her. But then you catch Sam staring at Alex with such wide and hopeful eyes that you forget your pride. You could never deny Sam anything, you do not have that kind of resolve around her. And the Agent does not reach for her gun, not that she could harm Sam anyways. You have no other choice and press the right button. The second the blue flicker expires, Alex is marching forwards, her expression as determined as if she was entering a battlefield. For not longer than a heartbeat neither of them moves when they finally stand in front of each other. Then Alex wraps her arms around Sam and Sam falls apart in her embrace. She’s collapsing and crying, and a mess and it is only thanks to the Agent’s quick reflexes that the two are still standing. Alex’ back is turned towards you, but you can see how Sam clings onto her, how she balls the Agent’s shirt up in her fists and buries her face against the Agent’s neck. You cannot stand the sight and have to look away. Unfortunately, you can still hear them.

 

“Alex....Alex...I’m Reign...She’s inside me...She...Oh God...” Sam’s voice is trembling, teary and broken. You want to clamp your hands over your ears.

 

“It’s ok, Sam. I’m here, I’m here. We will figure this out.” Alex sounds so confident and reassuring that even you are inclined to believe her. While you stare at Sam’s test results on the computer screen, you here cloth rustling behind you, you can sense how they move.

 

“She threatened to hurt Ruby. She wants to kill her,” Sam sobs. Her face must be pressed against the Agent’s shoulder or neck because you can barely hear her.

 

“Promise me that you will protect her. You must keep her safe at all cost,” Sam begs, and your knuckles turn white.

 

Why is Sam so convinced that the Agent is capable of doing all the things she’s asking her of? Where does Sam take this bottomless trust from? Like she thinks the Agent is capable to do anything. Even saving her.

 

“I promise, Sam. No one will hurt Ruby.” The determination in her voice makes it impossible to doubt her statement. You realize that Alex would throw herself a hundred times between Ruby and any kind of danger, no matter how threatening, no matter if she can stand up afterwards or stay down forever. What Sam apparently doesn’t see is that you would do the same. Without second thoughts.

 

“You hear me?”

 

Sam sniffles: “Yes.”

 

Then you hear the unmistakable sound of lips against skin and your knees almost buckle. It’s salt into your wounded heart and the pain becomes almost unbearable. You know the sight of them kissing would break your last resolve, but you must look, it’s like watching a car accident. You are simultaneously revolted and drawn in, not able to tear your eyes away. They are sitting on the bed by now, awkwardly caught between lying down and sitting up. The Agent’s legs are stretched out, her arms wrapped tightly around Sam and Sam is curled against her side, her hands still buried in the Agent’s shirt. Your lips twitch and your eyes prickle and it takes all of your self-composure to not kick Alex out of your lab. But even in your hurt and jealousy you can see how good they look together, you can see how they could help each other heal. You must admit that they would make the perfect couple. That thought is choking you, sucks all air from your lungs and leaves you heaving. With the intention to break their little bubble, you step closer to them, tablet in hand to show the Agent the test results.

 

“You should take a look at this,” you say, pleased that your voice does not give away the contempt you currently feel for the redhead. At least the Agent has the decency to look uncomfortable and retreats her arms from around Sam. At the light blush spreading across her cheeks you feel your right eyebrow twitch and the muscles in your jaw jump. Alex plants her boots on the floor again and takes the tablet from you. To your utter displeasure, Sam sits next to her and rests her head on the Agent’s shoulder. You have the need to rip them apart. Silently, Alex studies the results, asking you something now and then.

 

“You think it is an enzyme?” You nod, your eyes glued to the spot where Sam’s hand rests on the Agent’s thigh.

 

“Did you find the trigger yet?” You admit that you haven’t and for more than one reason this feels like a personal defeat.

 

“What triggers Reign?” the Agent asks, and you can hear how she braces for the worst.

 

“Pain response,” you answer. The Agent’s head whips towards you, her gaze furious then she turns towards Sam. Her eyes widen in shock when she notices the tiny rings of burnt skin on Sam’s temples where the electrodes stuck. And although you see her face crumble you know that she cannot comprehend what it cost you to do this to the woman you love. The Agent cups Sam’s left cheek, stroking her thumb over the small injury, softly.

 

“Oh, Sam,” she whispers.

 

Sam makes a brave face for her, gives her a teary smile and curls her fingers around the Agent’s wrist. Your stomach drops when you see the looks in their eyes. You cannot take this anymore. “Please, excuse me,” you mumble and turn around. You’re not even sure they heard you.

 

Ten steps into the corridor outside the lab, you collapse against the wall, a hand clasped tightly over your mouth and tears streaming down your face. How could you have been so blind? Maybe they didn’t even know it themselves yet but to you their feelings are painfully obvious. To you the feelings shining so clearly in their eyes are simply painful. You know you looked at Sam just the same way Alex does a hundred times, a thousand times over and she never realized it. She never looked back at you with the same feelings. It breaks your heart and soul and you allow yourself to cry quietly in the dark. Why do you never get the things in life that truly count? Didn’t you deserve to be happy after all? After a couple of minutes your tears have subsided, and you wipe at your eyes to save what’s left of your dignity. You don’t know how you are supposed to work alongside the Agent to find the cure. Rationally, you are aware that together your chances are higher to find the trigger. Emotionally, you fall apart at the thought that you will have to endure seeing them together like this from now on. When you have composed yourself as best as you can, you walk back into the lab. Your walls high up around your bruised heart.

 

They are still sitting on the bed, huddled together, talking softly to each other. It seems that the Agent explains the test results to Sam. They sit so close that their thighs and shoulders brush. You wished you could squeeze between them. Instead of nearing them, you turn to the computers. You call up the latest test results and suddenly your heart skips a beat. This is something new, you think excited, your pain momentarily forgotten.

 

“Sam, I think I found something,” you say and turn around towards the pair. To your confusion, Sam stares blankly in front of her, her expression unreadable.

 

“They are coming,” she mumbles.

 

You and Alex share a panicked gaze, then the Agent springs into action. She grabs Sam’s shoulders and tries to make the brunette look at her: “Sam, can you hear me? Who is coming?” Her voice is cracking.

 

The next second, Sam jumps from the bed in a frenzy: “Alex, you need to get out of here. You need to leave!”

 

Alex rises, too, tries to calm the frantic brunette down: “I’m not going anywhere now! They are not going to take you!”

 

But this only upsets Sam more. She cups Alex’ cheeks, crying and shouting at her: “No, you don’t understand! You must go. Please, Alex. Please.”

 

Out of nowhere Supergirl, Mon-El, Alex’ boss and a woman you don’t know appear next to you. Supergirl doesn’t even look around before she starts talking:

 

“Lena, the Worldkillers are coming. We have to get you somewhere safe.” She sounds terrified and that scares you. If Supergirl is scared things are apocalyptically bad. But then she notices the hospital bed, and Sam and her face contorts in confusion. All you see is that Alex and Sam are holding hands.

 

The ground may open up and swallow me whole, you think defeated.

 

“Alex?” Supergirl asks shocked.

 

“Supergirl...,” the Agent says with an unwavering voice.

 

You notice how she inches ever so slightly in front of Sam and you wonder where she takes this strength from. Would she dare to stand up against Supergirl to protect Sam?

 

“What is this place?” Supergirl asks, alternating between staring at you and Alex with more and more anger.

 

“I was going to tell you,” you say and hope that you sound as calm as you think. It all falls apart around you in the blink of an eye. You wonder if you are fast enough to catch the single parts before they shatter, leaving you with nothing to repair. When Supergirl whirls around, you must force yourself to not flinch at her expression. You have already seen the heroine angry, really angry, so angry that it had shook you to your very core. But this anger was always directed at someone else, never at you. You take in a shuddering breath.

 

“Tell me what!”

 

To your surprise, Sam steps from behind Alex and says: “About me.”

 

But you already notice the change in her voice, how cold and hard it is. That it’s not entirely Sam’s anymore. You all stare at her in horror while she turns around to Alex, who looks just as terrified as you feel. She places one hand on the Agent’s cheek and intertwines her other with one of Alex’.

 

“I am sorry,” Sam says, and you are unable to tell if that is your beloved friend speaking or the Worldkiller.

 

Suddenly, there is a blinding light and a loud crash, and you are all send crashing to the floor. Purity and Pestilence emerge from a hole in the wall. In a haze you see how Purity keeps Supergirl in check and how the third Worldkiller steps towards Sam. Currently, Sam places an unconsciousness Alex on the bed with surprising care. Then Pestilence is at her side and rips the Kryptonite inhibitor out of her collarbone. Sam doesn’t even flinch. When you slowly sit up, you see how the three Worldkillers unite and how Sam is fading away, how she dissolves right in front you.

 

“Finally,” Reign says triumphantly.

 

In another flash she is in her suit, too, and the three make the perfect apocalyptic Trinity. Powerful, invincible and ready to turn this city to ashes. All you can think about is that you lost Sam to them. That you couldn’t keep your promise. That you failed. Purity sends Director Hankshaw and Supergirl flying into the metal tables while Pestilence spins towards the bed eagerly. Her gaze is crazed and the nails on her forefingers elongate, become claw-like. That must have been the cause of Alex’ scratch. Not Purity but Pestilence.

 

“This one got away earlier,” the Worldkiller says with a smug smile.

 

She bends over the helpless Agent, one hand at either side of her face. Before one of the claws can touch Alex’ cheeks, though, Reign grabs her wrist.

 

“Not this one,” she says menacingly, no she orders, staring Pestilence down until she retreats with an annoyed click of her tongue.

 

And then, just like that, they are gone. Finally, you are able to stand up, looking around in your destroyed lab in frustration and anger and fear. Even Reign favors Alex, you think disturbed as you watch how Supergirl frantically shakes the redhead awake. Amidst the chaos of this brutal defeat you suddenly realize something.

 

Maybe you are not the key to Sam’s salvation after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that I hurt Lena so much. I love her but this happens when I indulge in both Reigncorp and Agentreign feelings. I hope you still like this little one-shot.


End file.
